


The Pompatus of Love

by victoria_p (musesfool)



Category: The Middleman (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-18
Updated: 2011-10-18
Packaged: 2017-10-24 18:15:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/266430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musesfool/pseuds/victoria_p
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Oh, no, did someone try to stump the band with 'The Joker' again?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pompatus of Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [innie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/innie/gifts).



> Title etc. from Steve Miller. For innie_darling and tenaciousmetoo on their birthday.

When Wendy had signed on as a Middleman-in-training, she'd accepted that she was going to have to deal with ass-faced tentacle monsters, mobbed up gorillas, and alien wannabe boy band overlords. She'd taken vampire puppets and zombie fish in stride.

But the one thing she could never get used to was having the job follow her home.

Yet here they were, trapped in the loft, with Maurice the Angry Pointillist waving some kind of raygun at them for reasons that he had yet to reveal.

"No, I do not want another soy cheese and fakon mini-quiche," he shouted. "What I _do_ want is for people to stop calling me Maury Povich, Tuesdays with Maury, and Maurice Cheeks! My name is not Maurice Cheeks!"

Wendy sidled her way around the edge of the room to where Noser stood, facing the barrel of Maurice's raygun calmly, his guitar slung protectively across his body.

"Furthermore," Maurice continued, "I do _not_ like your peaches and I don't wish to shake your tree!"

Wendy leaned over and whispered to Noser, "Oh, no, did someone try to stump the band with 'The Joker' again?"

Noser nodded, his mouth drawn down into an unhappy frown. "New guy in 3B."

"Gonna have to educate him real fast."

"What are you two whispering about?" Maurice asked, shaking the gun at them. Wendy hoped it didn't have a hair trigger.

"Hey now," Wendy said, holding her hands up to show she was unarmed. Of course, Maurice didn't know about the mini-blaster she kept in her boot, but after paint-sucking aliens had invaded Art Crawl a few months ago, she'd felt safer being armed at all times. "There's no need to get violent." Though she would if he wanted to. He wouldn't know what hit him. But she was working on her negotiating skills these days, and not only was her apartment full of innocent people she didn't want hurt, it also held all of her stuff. They were still redecorating after the last time, and she didn't think she could take shopping for another new sofa, even if O2STK was paying for it.

"There's every need," Maurice insisted. "You don't understand!"

"Don't I?" Wendy asked. "If I had a nickel for every guy who ever wanted to show me the beef, or who asked me if I wanted to go to Neverland, I'd have enough nickels to--well, I'd have a lot of nickels."

Maurice's face crumpled, and he lowered the gun. "You _do_ understand."

"I told you I did," she said, and then she disarmed him, tucked the raygun into the waistband of her jeans, and zip-tied his hands behind his back. "I think a night in the drunk-tank will cool you off," she told him as the cops (with the Middleman in tow) finally arrived. They dragged the crying Maurice away, and Wendy smiled up at her boss.

"I'm glad to see you're putting your lessons to good use," he said. He nodded at Noser. "Hello, Mr. Noser."

"Hey, Wendy's boss." Noser looked at Wendy. "Don't you have one last loose end to tie up?"

"Oh, yeah." She tapped 3B on the shoulder and said, "Listen, new guy, we never, ever speak of the pompatus of love."

"Indeed," the Middleman said. "That's classified."

end


End file.
